Birthdays.

Today is my birthday.

While I don't like my birthday, considering it the worst day of the year, it doesn't mean I want to spend it alone.  It's the worst day of the year because inevitably it reminds me how alone I am.  This isn't to say I don't have someone.  I have my parents, and they're quite good about it, though I don't recall the last birthday party I had that I wanted.  I was a kid.  Last year, they invited people over that aren't really my friends.  But to be fair, my best efforts to overcome how horrible IRL I am with interacting with people have failed, so I have really no one else within proximity and all the people there were very nice and gave me nice little things.  I respected it for what it was.

But that was the first since I was a kid.

I don't like getting older, but who does?  I don't want to be one of those women that has her 29th birthday five years in a row.  Tempting as it is, really, that is something that catches up with you.

Really, my ideal birthday is to just... maybe to go driving with someone.  Just have someone's time be mine for the day.  I don't want gifts.  I just want to have someone go 'I'm yours for today, let's have some fun!'  I have two friends, too far away.  And they tend to be quite busy.

But apparently expressing depression over this day leads people to automatically assume that you don't want anyone around you.  I would say something, but I'm afraid of sounding contradictory.  If multiple people think this is your stance, then clearly it's a social standard: 'hate birthday' = 'i want to be alone'

So, another birthday will be spent alone.  Alas.

So, disclaimer and then a story.

I don't expect people who come across this blog to believe anything that I say.  I expect people to come to their own conclusions about anything they wish.  So, when I speak of something as an absolute truth, it may be for me, it may not be for you, and that is okay!  Take it as an act of fiction, take it as an act of 'what if...?' or put your own logic to it.  It's okay!  We're all friends here.


So, I was looking around at some things regarding demonology for something I'm writing, and was spurred into remembering about something.  This is actually fairly hilarious.

My now passed grandmother (hereby referred to as oma because that's easier) was always a special woman.  Vanity and abuse was her way of doing things.  I never could encounter her without ending up feeling really ugly and horrible about myself.  And I got it easy compared to my mother.

She was a child growing up in the Rhineland in Germany during WWII.  Affluent family line, but even for them, supplies were hard to come by.  Feeding her already growing thirst for dragon's treasure, one year for her birthday she asked for golden earrings.  She was the youngest, by the way.  So, out her father went and traded out food for these damn earrings, and it started a decline of her existence.  She was apparently referred to in her teen years as The Brush because all she'd do was brush her hair constantly and hit on American soldiers.

You can probably tell where this is going and how my mother came to be.

First Post

So, I have two other blogger accounts, with mirrors over on tumblr.  But I realized that neither one was really appropriate for me to talk about other things on, so I decided to go ahead and create this one.  I guess part of it is to ensure that if, for some reason I gain a readership, people won't have to deal with posts they didn't sign up for and get annoyed.

My writing blog (highly neglected) is:  http://gentlearmor.blogspot.com/
Tumbler Mirror:  http://gentlearmor.tumblr.com/

My gamer blog (also neglected) is:  http://terminalsonata.blogspot.com/
Tumblr Mirror:  http://terminalsonata.tumblr.com/

So, needless to say, those two set the standard of what my usernames will be for either given subject, if I'm on a site for one or both reasons.

Anyway, I decided tonight that I should go into the depths of the internet and look at all sorts of good things.  This is always a dangerous pursuit, as I tend to allow my searches to escalate quickly to nightmare fuel.  I know it's happening, but I do these things anyway.  Whether I believe in a subject or not has very little to do with whether it can frighten me.  After all, a lot of people don't believe in spirits but still get scared at ghost movies.

So, tonight's progression went as expected: